It’s never easy, “especially when you’re the new manager and the last guy got called into H.R. for inappropriate workplace treasoning,” Stephen Colbert said.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
The ‘Frasier’ of Presidencies
President Biden’s first full day in the White House was the talk of late night on Thursday.
“The first day on the job is stressful — any job — but especially when you’re the new manager and the last guy got called into H.R. for inappropriate workplace treasoning,” Stephen Colbert said.
“That’s big news right there. Our president spent a full day in the office.” — JIMMY FALLON
“The Bidens are moved in. Their dogs must be going crazy because everything smells like fried chicken in there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yeah, it was Biden’s first full day. I’m sure part of him was like, ‘Just to mess with everyone, I should go golfing.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Joe Biden was one of the most beloved supporting characters from the Obama administration, and now he’s got his own show. Basically, this is the ‘Frasier’ of presidencies.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“What the Biden team is doing right now is like when you open the hood of a car you’ve had in storage — like your dad’s ’67 Shelby GT — and you find out rats got inside and ate all the insulation from the wires and chewed up the upholstery.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yo guys, Joe Biden is so lucky. All he has to do is have a vaccine plan and not lie for 10 minutes and he’s basically, what, the next George Washington?” — TREVOR NOAH
“And we all know this is only thanks to Donald Trump for setting the bar so low. It’s like getting hired as a babysitter and your predecessor was a Roomba covered in knives — you are going to be better.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (the New Plan Is Having a Plan Edition)
“President Biden today unveiled a 200-page national strategy to fight the coronavirus pandemic, which means he’s already done more to fight the coronavirus than former President, um — you know, President ugh, that guy — the hair? Florida? Oh, I can’t — whatever.” — SETH MEYERS
“At the top of the list of things they need to dramatically improve is Trump’s vaccine rollout plan, which will be a challenge considering the fact that we found out today it does not exist.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The Trump administration had a year and they didn’t even sit down and draw up a plan. Was coronavirus task force leader Mike Pence in cold storage during that whole time? Did Dr. Birx get lost in a pile of scarves?” — SETH MEYERS
“Yeah, I mean, honestly, what did they expect? It’s like walking into your house and being mad that your dog didn’t do your taxes.” — JIMMY FALLON
“So today, President Biden signed 10 executive orders to get his pandemic plan rolling, including a requirement for masks while traveling, studies and trials of Covid-19 treatments, and more public data on cases and vaccinations. It’s a new strategy the White House is calling ‘Operation: Well, Duh!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“As part of Biden’s new Covid strategy, he’s launching the ‘100 days masking challenge.’ Biden’s smart. he knows that he can get Americans to do anything if he makes it sound like a TikTok challenge.” — JIMMY FALLON
“And the best part is, the Biden administration is going to keep us informed about what they’re doing, with regular expert-led, science-based public briefings. Which will be a nice change from moron-led, Clorox-based, dexamethasone ramblings.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Seth Meyers asked Bernie Sanders about becoming the most memed-about person at the inauguration.
Also, Check This Out
The cast and crew of Broadway’s “Moulin Rouge!” musical talked about how the hit production was derailed by Covid-19.
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Late Night Weighs In on Biden’s First Day on the Job - The New York Times
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