Modern Love Podcast: Confronting Asian-American Race on the First Date - The New York Times

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“She said, ‘You’re the first Asian guy I’ve ever gone on a date with. I’m not sure how I feel about that.’”

Credit...Brian Rea

Andrew and Sarah met on a dating app. Their first date was just supposed to be coffee, but it lasted nine glorious hours. They talked nonstop across four San Francisco neighborhoods.

But by 2 a.m., Sarah had an admission to make. She told Andrew, who is Asian-American, that his “race might be an issue.”

Andrew was shocked. The kicker? Sarah is also Asian-American.

Today, we hear both sides of this story — and find out where Sarah and Andrew are now.

Today’s stories

“When a Dating Dare Leads to Months of Soul Searching,” Andrew Lee

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Andrew Lee’s first message to his wife, Sarah Chen. The two matched on a dating app after Sarah’s friend convinced her to “check the box” in her filter that allowed Asian men to be included.

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  Andrew Lee’s first message to his wife, Sarah Chen. The two matched on a dating app after Sarah’s friend convinced her to “check the box” in her filter that allowed Asian men to be included.

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  Sarah grew up in Texas, loving country music. Both she and Andrew had “learned to square-dance in cowboy boots,” Andrew wrote in his essay.

  Credit...Sarah Chen

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  Andrew grew up in Colorado. He and his family would often go camping and visit national parks.

  Credit...Andrew Lee

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  Despite having similarities in their “all-American upbringings,” Andrew and Sarah grew up with different perspectives toward their Asian heritage. The couple got engaged in North Beach, one of the neighborhoods they visited on their first date. They’ve been married since 2019. 

  Credit...Erin Zheng

“Manic Pixie Real Girl,” Jerico Mandybur

“I felt a hot shame,” Jerico wrote in her Tiny Love Story, about her reaction to first learning the term “manic pixie dream girl.” “I loved someone who needed me to stay that way. A man who needed me to remain a fantasy forever out of reach.”

A self-portrait of the artist as a young woman.Credit...

Hosted by: Daniel Jones and Miya Lee
Produced by: Kelly Prime and Hans Buetow
Edited by: Wendy Dorr
Music by: Dan Powell
“Manic Pixie Real Girl” written and read by: Jerico Mandybur
"When a Dating Dare Leads to Months of Soul Searching,” narration by: Ewan Chung and produced by Ryan Wegner and Kelly Rogers
Executive Producer, NYT Audio: Lisa Tobin
Assistant Managing Editor, NYT: Sam Dolnick

Special thanks: Nora Keller, Mahima Chablani, Julia Simon, Laura Kim, Bonnie Wertheim, Anya Strzemien, Joanna Nikas and Choire Sicha. The end of the episode featured an interview with Sarah Chen and Andrew Lee.

Want more from Modern Love? Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter. We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption” and “Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less” (forthcoming).

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